Written on April 28, 2017 by Billy
Archive for April, 2017
Written on April 28, 2017 by Billy
Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
Written on April 26, 2017 by admin
Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
Written on April 26, 2017 by admin
Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
Written on April 26, 2017 by admin
Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
Written on April 26, 2017 by admin
Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
Written on April 25, 2017 by Billy
Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
Written on April 25, 2017 by Billy
Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
Written on April 25, 2017 by Billy
Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
Written on April 25, 2017 by Billy
Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
Written on April 25, 2017 by Billy
Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
Written on April 24, 2017 by Billy
Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
Written on April 15, 2017 by Billy
Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
Written on April 15, 2017 by Billy
Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
Written on April 15, 2017 by Billy
Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
Written on April 14, 2017 by Billy
Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
Written on April 14, 2017 by Billy
Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
Written on April 14, 2017 by Billy
Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
Written on April 11, 2017 by Billy
Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
Written on April 11, 2017 by Billy
Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
Written on April 9, 2017 by admin
Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
Written on April 9, 2017 by admin
Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
Written on April 7, 2017 by admin
Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy
Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
Written on April 7, 2017 by Billy