Archive for August, 2017

Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter

Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb

Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician

Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother

Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”

Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show

Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth

Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch

Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland

Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet

Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine

Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy

Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant

Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel

Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers

Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster

Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate

Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”

Joel strangles cook

Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”

Joel thrown over handlebars in town center

Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy

Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down

Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship

Joel struck by ambulance

Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists

Joel delivered home by giant stork

Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit

Joel eats money

Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking

Joel calls police on other police

Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s

Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers

Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments

Joel rides elephant into crowd

Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God

Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach

Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator

Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine

Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé

Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it

Joel eats soup with fork

Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon

Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway

Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men

Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little

Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon

Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song

Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory

Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity

Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer

Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”

Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting

Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out

Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese

Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob

Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry

Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot

Joel physically overtaken by office intruder

Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking

Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him

Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul

Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor

Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo

Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment

Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path

Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers

Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene

Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”

Joel spits at llama

Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird

Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”

Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk

Joel spits up GI Joe action figures

Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint

Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman

Joel names dog Walter

Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch

Joel gets off pot, shits

Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules

Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire

Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you

Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police

Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club

Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”

Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination

Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through

Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire

Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI

Joel lures badger into supermarket

Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game

Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield

Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie