Archive for January, 2018

Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks

Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”

Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods

Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out

Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop

Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”

Joel tempts first humans with apple

Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom

Joel forgets the Alamo

Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher

Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base

Joel considered a necessary evil

Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of

Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled

Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request

Joel tied down by doctors

Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses

Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks

Joel spared by supernatural murderer

Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human

Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”

Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse

Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops

Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in

Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle

Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian

Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David

Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to

Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour

Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks

Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break

Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market

Joel targeted by slingshot

Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family

Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses

Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong

Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests

Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer

Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us

Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed

Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge

Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting

Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control

Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife

Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf

Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house

Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”

Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians

Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him

Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation

Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia

Joel drives garbage truck into swamp

Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman

Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs

Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love

Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name

Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut

Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”

Joel falls up stairs

Joel steps in dog shit, smells better

Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo