Archive for August, 2018

Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf

Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation

Joel sneeze-screams at Library

Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage

Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding

Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom


Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard

Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas

Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World

Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”

Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day

Joel forgiven by Christian

Joel chokes on dog food

Joel passes out in field of lavender

Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette

Joel thrashed by ghost

Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock

Joel summoned by red planet

Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky

Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks

Joel gives birth to pregnant child

Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical

Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage

Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet

Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters

Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks

Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s

Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists

Joel backs cat into corner

Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”

Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul

Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”

Joel only waxes on

Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting

Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk

Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush

Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts

Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium

Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner

Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight

Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager

Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin

Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma

Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory

Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes

Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve

Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary

Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream

Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses

Joel quizzed by bridge troll

Joel finds himself running in Memphis

Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster

Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle

Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern