Archive for November, 2018

Joel wears costume to pharmacy

Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers

Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears

Joel asks doctor for needles

Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one

Joel defeated by gravity

Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday

Joel nearly dies from flu shot

Joel kills serially

Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker

Joel does everything for money except kiss

Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough

Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room

Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector

Joel works soft, plays hard

Joel smokes hate pipe

Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree

Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent

Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun

Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla

Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration

Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store

Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time

Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”

Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber

Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell

Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl

Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday

Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug

Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle

Joel brings baby into sauna

Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse

Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy

Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one

Joel menaced by reflection

Joel pulls plug on mother very early on

Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks

Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway

Joel moans while chained to radiator

Joel resides with holograph

Joel runs toward pain

Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs

Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance

Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets

Joel pens Eastern mystery novel entitled “The Wrong Wong”

Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend

Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts

Joel stops thinking about tomorrow

Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe

Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense

Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence

Joel tests electric fence for weakness

Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard

Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report

Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting

Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked

Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues

Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast

Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow

Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear

Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash

Joel deals with recurring boner

Joel has wild time on rotten wine

Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record

Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star

Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time

Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day

Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods

Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”

Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him

Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions

Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR

Joel banned from nerd’s house

Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask

Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay

Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery

Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video

Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game

Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper

Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window

Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings

Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person

Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead

Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza

Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self

Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey

Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair

Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff

Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs

Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in