Archive for January, 2019

Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”

Joel eats his way through pork storm

Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police

Joel masks rage

Joel devolves to cheap thug

Joel turns down dark road

Joel makes it his business to know

Joel handles pan

Joel led out of office in handcuffs

Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters

Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton

Joel deafened by dog whistle

Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert

Joel nurses wound from robbery

Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”

Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens

Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner

Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom

Joel contaminates experiment

Joel sires identical son

Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”

Joel takes to the streets

Joel diagnosed as extremist

Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw

Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use

Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze

Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff

Joel follows woman

Joel points out that He-Man is redundant

Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter

Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage

Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold

Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat

Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend

Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway

Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers

Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop

Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates

Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room

Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp

Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians

Joel’s mask is his face

Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder

Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”

Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”

Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga

Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé

Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight

Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about

Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese

Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire

Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker

Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve

Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter

Joel’s not in love

Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable

Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes

Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins

Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers

Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”

Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial

Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit

Joel ponders a violent Ghandi

Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order