Archive for May, 2019

Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom

Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”

Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John

Joel tips hotel maid in drugs

Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly

Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes

Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory

Joel terrorized by his animated shadow

Joel does book report on Larry Bird

Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady

Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library

Joel terrorizes children from storm drain

Joel only sorry about getting caught

Joel eats his way through Chinatown

Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate

Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA

Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club

Joel becomes psychoactive

Joel buys extra life

Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest

Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square

Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website

Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims

Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case

Joel embodies masculine ideal

Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar

Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles

Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth

Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights

Joel threatens maid in her native tongue

Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly

Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster

Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac

Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks

Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love

Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking

Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child

Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing

Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time

Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”