Joel Skins Fifth > Uncategorized

Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles

Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial

Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day in class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”

Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare

Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota

Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election

Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal

Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car

Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s

Joel found in the nude

Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin

Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop

Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”

Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter

Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision

Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school

Joel no longer welcome in community pool

Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union

Joel actually has been there and has done that

Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist

Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum

Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary

Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France

Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with

Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer

Joel reads his first book in jail

Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast

Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation

Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm

Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance

Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle

Joel tolerates lactose

Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig

Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school

Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing

Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee

Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants

Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website

Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can

Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm

Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house

Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account

Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant

Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit

Joel conceals deviance

Joel fingered as rat in doll aisle drug arrest at toy store

Joel places “obscene” Thai food order

Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo

Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches

Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens

Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun

Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale

Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”

Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield

Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit

Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car

Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child

Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls

Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet

Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor

Joel beaten with sticks by London police

Joel sells vowel for two consonants

Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory

Joel gnaws on salted tire

Joel encircled by predatory lenders

Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox

Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear

Joel combusts psychotropic flower

Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women

Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice

Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer

Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool

Joel impressed by professional

Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again

Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back

Joel wears prosthetic face to night club

Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color

Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine

Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre

Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse

Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people

Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome

Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich

Joel clobbered by juggernaut

Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare

Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs

Joel found alive in woods

Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down

Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine

Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton

Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad

Joel plays with fire

Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee

Joel ignores best practices

Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang

Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill

Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes

Joel nests table

Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial

Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey

Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook

Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang

Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door

Joel neither tells nor is he asked

Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit

Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier

Joel interviews vampire

Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage

Joel vows to destroy the straight community

Joel takes his meat into his own hands

Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in

Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker

Joel demands more from today’s pornographer

Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS

Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak

Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence

Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill

Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos

Joel presses charges

Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran

Joel can believe it’s not butter

Joel mismanages viral outbreak

Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark

Joel blames murders on mythical beast

Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house

Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one

Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”

Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him

Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with

Joel wrestles with toilet goblin

Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster

Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment

Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals

Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass

Joel argues with himself in the park

Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus

Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust

Joel courts mythical centrist voter

Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother

Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment

Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride

Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call

Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him

Joel offers hope

Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?

Joel screams himself hoarse

Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital

Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others

Joel behaves like slut

Joel crashes his car blinded by tears

Joel has violent altercation with penis

Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes

Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors

Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son

Joel asks Jeeves

Joel flexes muscles at dog

Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern

Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar

Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time

Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light

Joel compares every version of Little Women

Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook

Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him

Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”

Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”

Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish

Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain

Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King

Joel catches slut flu

Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class

Joel never is able to learn

Joel lunges at rodent

Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls

Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno

Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror

Joel serves dark master

Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement

Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store

Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself

Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”

Joel violates HIPPA

Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse

Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask

Joel shows gun

Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room

Joel finishes last despite being bad guy

Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes

Joel offers espresso to excited puppy

Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia

Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket

Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire

Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale

Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia

Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza

Joel retreats to cave system

Joel overpowered by heavyset child

Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club

Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people

Joel wigs out after taking Latuda

Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt

Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”

Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles

Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese

Joel prone to hysterics

Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival

Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch

Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence

Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers

Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments

Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings

Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house

Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer

Joel makes drunken purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan

Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall

Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles

Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father

Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better

Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar

Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him

Joel savaged by pack of goons

Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened

Joel doesn’t pardon pun

Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago

Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill

Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral

Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer

Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room

Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow

Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors

Joel digs himself out to terrify the living

Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth

Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group

Joel lawyers up

Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs

Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive

Joel lives for the chance to use violence

Joel demands more out of his footwear

Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep

Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death

Joel spooked by holy ghost

Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand

Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare

Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station

Joel beaten by group of whites

Joel smells fear

Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice

Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand

Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette

Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead

Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home

Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there

Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam

Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice

Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic

Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them

Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer

Joel finally does something he can’t take back

Joel plays it straight for once in his life

Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective

Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity

Joel collapses after blind wine rage

Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias

Joel concealed in darkness

Joel told to stay away from doctor

Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum

Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”

Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload

Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills

Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him

Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location

Joel entranced by Satanic mold

Joel appointed leader of brute squad

Joel presides as jungle monarch

Joel wakes up screaming

Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail

Joel captured by the sand people

Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head

Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe

Joel somehow gets out of his cage

Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins

Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon

Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones

Joel leaves car on train tracks

Joel smashes square peg into round hole

Joel salts fist

Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila

Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat

Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses

Joel plays his cards wrong

Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him

Joel fires rocket at news helicopter

Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”

Joel stuffed into trunk

Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do

Joel borrows meat

Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work

Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia

Joel replaced by robot

Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”

Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his

Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter

Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior

Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”

Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it

Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling

Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa

Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze

Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing

Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth

Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion

Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles

Joel forces timid employee to drink

Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt

Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift

Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier

Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award

Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001

Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work

Joel marries chicken

Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust

Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved

Joel fires back

Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes

Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom

Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget

Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to

Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside

Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out

Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin

Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos

Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins

Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”

Joel killed after missing work deadline

Joel preys upon the weakest of us

Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store

Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”

Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access

Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house

Joel loved by imagined God

Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread

Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth

Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people

Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner

Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown

Joel screams bloody murder

Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator

Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention

Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother

Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed

Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth

Joel cuckolds typographer

Joel fooled by imitation crab

Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods

Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut

Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks

Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram

Joel struck by thunder

Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use

Joel attempts to salvage pride

Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area

Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer

Joel moves out of house on Hope Street

Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial

Joel thrown like rag doll

Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting

Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor

Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father

Joel demands boy

Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness

Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones

Joel enters in cloud of sulfur

Joel puts skin in game

Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land

Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating

Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him

Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory

Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills

Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave

Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel

Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade

Joel salivates at sound of bell

Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name

Joel watches pot, goes hungry

Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video

Joel runs wild with stolen credit card

Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza

Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism

Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom

Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”

Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John

Joel tips hotel maid in drugs

Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly

Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes

Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory

Joel terrorized by his animated shadow

Joel does book report on Larry Bird

Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady

Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library

Joel terrorizes children from storm drain

Joel only sorry about getting caught

Joel eats his way through Chinatown

Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate

Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA

Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club

Joel becomes psychoactive

Joel buys extra life

Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest

Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square

Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website

Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims

Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case

Joel embodies masculine ideal

Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar

Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles

Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth

Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights

Joel threatens maid in her native tongue

Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly

Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster

Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac

Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks

Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love

Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking

Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child

Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing

Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time

Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”

Joel shaken awake by hovering demon

Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine

Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien

Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy

Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom

Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well

Joel throws phone at tv

Joel in charge of Charles

Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat

Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase

Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit

Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey

Joel consults the oracle

Joel celebrates existence annually

Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises

Joel missing and presumed dead

Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most

Joel circles wanted ad with red marker

Joel pinched by Vulcan

Joel appends middle name before string of murders

Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays

Joel becomes first convict on Mars

Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce

Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor

Joel throws loose change at toll operator

Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple

Joel dines at The Barking Spider

Joel guarantees Swahili

Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint

Joel clings to departing plane

Joel feeds android probionics

Joel gnaws on fist

Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser

Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink

Joel runs screaming nude through resort

Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them

Joel cautiously pessimistic

Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on

Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant

Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper

Joel enjoys irresponsibly

Joel ripped off at dollar store

Joel spread by filth

Joel rapidly blinks while lying

Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian

Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS

Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter

Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe

Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry

Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”

Joel eats his way through pork storm

Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police

Joel masks rage

Joel devolves to cheap thug

Joel turns down dark road

Joel makes it his business to know

Joel handles pan

Joel led out of office in handcuffs

Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters

Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton

Joel deafened by dog whistle

Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert

Joel nurses wound from robbery

Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”

Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens

Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner

Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom

Joel contaminates experiment

Joel sires identical son

Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”

Joel takes to the streets

Joel diagnosed as extremist

Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw

Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use

Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze

Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff

Joel follows woman

Joel points out that He-Man is redundant

Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter

Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage

Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold

Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat

Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend

Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway

Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers

Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop

Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates

Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room

Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp

Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians

Joel’s mask is his face

Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder

Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”

Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”

Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga

Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé

Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight

Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about

Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese

Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire

Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker

Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve

Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter

Joel’s not in love

Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable

Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes

Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins

Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers

Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”

Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial

Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit

Joel ponders a violent Ghandi

Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order

Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey

Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man

Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party

Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat

Joel explains situation with two hot peppers

Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”

Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”

Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard

Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter

Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites

Joel attempts to patent stink

Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game

Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison

Joel realizes that control is the illusion

Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store

Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters

Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college

Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection

Joel protects abuser

Joel shows up with pizza and gun

Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling

Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint

Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas

Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection

Joel bludgeons captor

Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces

Joel converts sugar to energy

Joel wears costume to pharmacy

Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers

Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears

Joel asks doctor for needles

Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one

Joel defeated by gravity

Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday

Joel nearly dies from flu shot

Joel kills serially

Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker

Joel does everything for money except kiss

Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough

Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room

Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector

Joel works soft, plays hard

Joel smokes hate pipe

Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree

Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent

Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun

Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla

Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration

Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store

Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time

Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”

Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber

Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell

Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl

Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday

Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug

Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle

Joel brings baby into sauna

Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse

Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy

Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one

Joel menaced by reflection

Joel pulls plug on mother very early on

Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks

Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway

Joel moans while chained to radiator

Joel resides with holograph

Joel runs toward pain

Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs

Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance

Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets

Joel pens Eastern mystery novel entitled “The Wrong Wong”

Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend

Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts

Joel stops thinking about tomorrow

Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe

Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense

Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence

Joel tests electric fence for weakness

Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard

Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report

Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting

Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked

Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues

Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast

Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow

Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear

Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash

Joel deals with recurring boner

Joel has wild time on rotten wine

Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record

Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star

Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time

Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day

Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods

Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”

Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him

Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions

Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR

Joel banned from nerd’s house

Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask

Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay

Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery

Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video

Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game

Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper

Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window

Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings

Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person

Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead

Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza

Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self

Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey

Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair

Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff

Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs

Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in

Joel triple-clicks hyperlink

Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app

Joel talked down from roof of house

Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow

Joel chokes on unsalted nuts

Joel runs from scene of accident into woods

Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash

Joel given just enough rope

Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic

Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory

Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”

Joel micromanages barber

Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool

Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor

Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult

Joel babbles madly in poultry department

Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom

Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito

Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size

Joel returns to scene of crime

Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item

Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in

Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace

Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W

Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks

Joel crawls back into sewer

Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine

Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her

Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious

Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment

Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to

Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy

Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust

Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is

Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend

Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists

Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor

Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn

Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK

Joel will be Joel

Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition

Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway

Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen

Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf

Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation

Joel sneeze-screams at Library

Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage

Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding

Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom

Joel

Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard

Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas

Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World

Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”

Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day

Joel forgiven by Christian

Joel chokes on dog food

Joel passes out in field of lavender

Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette

Joel thrashed by ghost

Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock

Joel summoned by red planet

Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky

Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks

Joel gives birth to pregnant child

Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical

Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage

Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet

Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters

Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks

Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s

Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists

Joel backs cat into corner

Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”

Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul

Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”

Joel only waxes on

Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting

Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk

Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush

Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts

Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium

Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner

Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight

Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager

Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin

Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma

Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory

Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes

Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve

Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary

Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream

Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses

Joel quizzed by bridge troll

Joel finds himself running in Memphis

Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster

Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle

Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern

Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead

Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it

Joel finds second home for himself at town dump

Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination

Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner

Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk

Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub

Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label

Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box

Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”

Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold

Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid

Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains

Joel eats dinner from lunchbox

Joel prescribed Screamidol

Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler

Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day

Joel seeks revenge against the weather

Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie

Joel outdrank by Japanese investors

Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother

Joel flips off neighbor’s cat

Joel moves on down to the West side

Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age

Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College

Joel torn away from phone

Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast

Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns

Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel

Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair

Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients

Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes

Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire

Joel follows translucent white horse into fire

Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party

Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone

Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room

Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint

Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager

Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house

Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house

Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words

Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding

Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder

Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously

Joel slips on several hundred marbles

Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist

Joel hires artist to kill his wife

Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording

Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf

Joel pushed around by someone even worse

Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program

Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night

Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations

Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist

Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl

Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes

Joel runs through the shadows

Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”

Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found

Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there

Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute

Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides

Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement

Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself

Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap

Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan

Joel grows killer’s mustache

Joel kept way down in the hole

Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American

Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan

Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries

Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms

Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs

Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest

Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood

Joel takes left on red

Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant

Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall

Joel charged as John in prostitution sting

Joel ingests Dhalia

Joel relieved that it was just cans

Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues

Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings

Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record

Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him

Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”

Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”

Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future

Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien

Joel throws major fit at toy store

Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car

Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb

Joel claws face

Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap

Joel lured by dollar on string

Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions

Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths

Joel buys time

Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting

Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu

Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo

Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo

Joel begins rampage at Del Taco

Joel burps up frog mid conversation

Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful

Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform

Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy

Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car

Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet

Joel flips house literally

Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard

Joel washes man out of his hair

Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home

Joel takes low road

Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven

Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away

Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike

Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred

Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully

Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests

Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony

Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage

Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan

Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood

Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved

Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report

Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source

Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing

Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics

Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend

Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect

Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers

Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song

Joel denies knowing who took the money

Joel warded off with garlic necklace

Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move

Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands

Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court

Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank

Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary

Joel turns on his owner

Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War

Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department

Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples

Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him

Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station

Joel goes through downs and downs

Joel calls police, plays dead

Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”

Joel now touring as murder clown rapper

Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans

Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years

Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home

Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel

Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes

Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race

Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces

Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account

Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal

Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist

Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch

Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table

Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep

Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig

Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race

Joel enters hospital to finish the job

Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA

Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train

Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record

Joel deadlifts corpse

Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home

Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”

Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace

Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition

Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup

Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”

Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter

Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association

Joel chases snake from nursery

Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet

Joel screams his way through neon forest

Joel consumes more than he produces

Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight

Joel fires starter pistol at crowd

Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention

Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway

Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him

Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room

Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown

Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist

Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”

Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident

Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation

Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet

Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge

Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit

Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”

Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases

Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich

Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane

Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing

Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey

Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit

Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends

Joel paints rocks gold

Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad

Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun

Joel approaches skunk den with air horn

Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft

Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person

Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses

Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”

Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition

Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision

Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep

Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions

Joel uses stink as a weapon

Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks

Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”

Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods

Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out

Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop

Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”

Joel tempts first humans with apple

Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom

Joel forgets the Alamo

Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher

Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base

Joel considered a necessary evil

Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of

Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled

Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request

Joel tied down by doctors

Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses

Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks

Joel spared by supernatural murderer

Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human

Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”

Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse

Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops

Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in

Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle

Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian

Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David

Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to

Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour

Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks

Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break

Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market

Joel targeted by slingshot

Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family

Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses

Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong

Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests

Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer

Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us

Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed

Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge

Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting

Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control

Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife

Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf

Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house

Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”

Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians

Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him

Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation

Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia

Joel drives garbage truck into swamp

Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman

Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs

Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love

Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name

Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut

Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”

Joel falls up stairs

Joel steps in dog shit, smells better

Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes

Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”

Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line

Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”

Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”

Joel takes his coffee white

Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake

Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected

Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker

Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation

Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen

Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog

Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species

Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand

Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly

Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate

Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays

Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick

Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo

Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night

Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests

Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party

Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift

Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home

Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls

Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house

Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate

Joel covets equine

Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss

Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation

Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians

Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge

Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”

Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up

Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”

Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama

Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted

Joel collapses on treadmill

Joel put down like mad dog

Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment

Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm

Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul

Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book

Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful

Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election

Joel orders wig in drug haze

Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull

Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware

Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie

Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec

Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming

Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice

Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf

Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society

Joel dazzled by Danish king

Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine

Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus

Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference

Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally

Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money

Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it

Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out

Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet

Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce

Joel poisons neighbors’ trees

Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit

Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him

Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue

Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order

Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house

Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov

Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat

Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul

Joel hides in plain sight

Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”

Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard

Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke

Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself

Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor

Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”

Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row

Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium

Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit

Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit

Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo

Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside

Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo

Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”

Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand

Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”

Joel fakes orgasm

Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga

Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO

Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls

Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof

Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s

Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien

Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk

Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign

Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder

Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon

Joel groped by horny realtor

Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace

Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt

Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”

Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales

Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster

Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve

Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer

Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames

Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime

Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew

Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear

Joel shoved by one-arm man

Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall

Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning

Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge

Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant

Joel cries over milk still in glass

Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning

Joel found guilty in kangaroo court

Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors

Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt

Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick

Joel orders food through series of grunts

Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”

Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins

Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo

Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot

Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population

Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold

Joel suspicious of brown Datsun

Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest

Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”

Joel insulted by ouija board

Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him

Joel warned about his heightened flammability

Joel measures once, cuts many times

Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda

Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates

Joel lies to client about SEO results

Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs

Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure

Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar

Joel swallows tack

Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino

Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation

Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool

Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps

Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground

Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes

Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday

Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes

Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus

Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip

Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book

Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home

Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger

Joel dances sexually in tree

Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously

Joel on constant high alert for potential mate

Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver

Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate

Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head

Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”

Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”

Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement

Joel mates with slug

Joel sickened by reflection

Joel runs out on check at his regular bar

Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train

Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.

Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”

Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic

Joel terrorizes Smurf community

Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of

Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity

Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose

Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train

Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room

Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast

Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas

Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”

Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school

Joel comes to identify with his captors

Joel mystified by futuristic scooter

Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities

Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler

Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners

Joel considers move to sewer

Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie

Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”

Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition

Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake

Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside

Joel sits on egg for month

Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex

Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house

Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger

Joel burns toast, house

Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”

Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems

Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family

Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome

Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll

Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant

Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin

Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange

Joel lives forever and pays no taxes

Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar

Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it

Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date

Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop

Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray

Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio

Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour

Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment

Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo

Joel eats twin

Joel works double shift on Labor Day

Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes

Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage

Joel angrily eats parking ticket

Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse

Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine

Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat

Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand

Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool

Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos

Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score

Joel tells a few people he’s dying

Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot

Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”

Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus

Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder

Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks

Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie

Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart

Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon

Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song

Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice

Joel cheated by Pygmy

Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor

Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight

Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist

Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection

Joel harbors rapey French skunk

Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig

Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love

Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press

Joel badgers hermit

Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt

Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after

Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers

Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot

Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed

Joel smothers aunt

Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge

Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine

Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones

Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper

Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture

Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room

Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse

Joel digs hole to China

Joel declares dependence

Joel sees something, says nothing

Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous

Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so

Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter

Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb

Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician

Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother

Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”

Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show

Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth

Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch

Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland

Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet

Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine

Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy

Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant

Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel

Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers

Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster

Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate

Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”

Joel strangles cook

Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”

Joel thrown over handlebars in town center

Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy

Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down

Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship

Joel struck by ambulance

Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists

Joel delivered home by giant stork

Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit

Joel eats money

Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking

Joel calls police on other police

Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s

Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers

Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments

Joel rides elephant into crowd

Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God

Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach

Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator

Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine

Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé

Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it

Joel eats soup with fork

Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon

Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway

Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men

Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little

Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon

Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song

Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory

Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity

Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer

Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”

Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting

Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out

Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese

Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob

Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry

Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot

Joel physically overtaken by office intruder

Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking

Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him

Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul

Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor

Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo

Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment

Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path

Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers

Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene

Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”

Joel spits at llama

Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird

Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”

Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk

Joel spits up GI Joe action figures

Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint

Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman

Joel names dog Walter

Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch

Joel gets off pot, shits

Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules

Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire

Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you

Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police

Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club

Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”

Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination

Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through

Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire

Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI

Joel lures badger into supermarket

Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game

Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield

Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie

Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse

Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe

Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt

Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot

Joel breaks hand punching iron chef

Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”

Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding

Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman

Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook

Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night

Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline

Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community

Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop

Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs

Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children

Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human

Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket

Joel trips over painted line

Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand

Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline

Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends

Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system

Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus

Joel marries Uzbek

Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead

Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster

Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”

Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning

Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom

Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel

Joel passes out cold on log flume ride

Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge

Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product

Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit

Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington

Joel terrorizes student driver on open road

Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine

Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading

Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration

Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan

Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil

Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”

Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale

Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”

Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose